Once a black belt holder, always a black belt holder. Should I be a comic hero now?
Well, no knowledge is actually a waste, but I have never actually believed ikn it until this recent incident occurred. I wasn’t the victim this time around, rather, I victimized someone. I should be proud of myself but my friend telling me that what I have achieved in my heroic activity was rubbish was an unexpected shock to me. Maybe he is just jealous. Mtchhhheeeeeew!
Well, I read a lot about so many comic heroes. I have seen Superman movies, Batman, Spiderman. Why can’t I be them? I once asked my dad. “dad will superman come to Nigeria one day?” he just laughed at me and said; kid stop dreaming. Those guys don’t exist. So wake up!
Well, just like my normal self, so intrinsically stubborn to nature. I took that answer as yes, they do exist. I wanted to be like them, I wanted to be them. Before I realized it, I have decorated my room with a lot of their pictures and wallpapers and toys. I became a fan.
This gave way to me being rough as a kid. I did things with a much youthful exuberance that my age mates constantly refused to play with me. In fact, their respective mothers warned them in my front, that I should be excluded from their daily play routine or, no more play for them. Well, that concerned me not. I usually forced my way in and if you refuse, I will find a way to fight you. I was a bully and I loved it.
Later, I was secluded and this too much of peer exclusion gave me psychological depression, and as time went on, I was left alone to my own self. Mehhhnn I thought to myself. I need to find a way to attract these guys. They must have to play with me.
Who said God doesn’t listen to children’s prayers? A savior came right away. Mr. Durmaz, a Turkish, came in. He was our new neighbor, and he loved playing and teaching kids. He picked interest on me because of my special talent. I once asked him boldly; Mr. Durmaz, why did you pick me first? Just like your first disciple? He laughed and replied; kid because you’re special. I noticed you don’t play with your friends. Yes! I replied immediately cutting in. they are just afraid of me. They are cowards! I said frowning my face and diming my big eyes like someone with an evil intention.
He laughed heavily again and suggested a plan for me. “see Kelvin, am going to start a karate class for you guys. So go and attract them, while I will attract the attention of their parents for their consent”. Fiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaammmm, my eyes opened like someone is drowning inside a deep ocean. What a nice idea. I left the scene immediately to proceed with the plan. I must not carry last this time around.
Just like that, we are like 20 in the karate class, and just like a special rough talented boy, I was at the top once more. I needed tough hands, these weak guys are not my match. Mtcheeeeew. Well, Mr. Durmaz has always adviced me to train with coconut trees since am that strong. But I refute that idea immediately. One shouldn’t tempt his God you know.
One day Mr. Durmaz left the class for me, I brought in one new fellow for practice, he was new to our street so he knew nothing about me. Hey! Kingsley, stand up and come over here. Let me teach you new skills today. Despite warnings from bad belles, he came up immediately to me. Stand over there and dodge this van Dan kick. I threw myself on the air like a free bird and swung my left short foot on his cheek. I could see tiny pieces and fragments of his teeth’s on the air, and I landed with fright on my body.
He shouted immediately with a loud voice. Jesssssuuuuusssssss! Seeing the gushing of blood from his mouth, he gave in to an outburst of cry. Tears rolled down on his cheeks. You must treat me today, you must fix my two teeth back today, he repeated this words while chasing me with a stick. The others laughed at us. The case continued till he came in the evening to our house with his mother. After the presentation of the case, I was called in and I received the worst beating of my life that day. Well, I gave him a train path on his teeth, I consoled myself with this word. After that, I stopped my training with the friends.
Years later, who knew that this training would help? With my glasses and pair of suit and shoe, I dressed well for an interview on an initiated project. I was a software developer and I recently proposed a project to one of the Big IT firms in Lagos. I was called for defense and I quickly went with my laptop bag. Ekotel! Ekotel! Ekotel!, Mtcheew! this conductor can’t pronounce things well. Oga, I am going to Eko Hotel, not Ekotel. With his thick Yoruba accent, he replied me in his dialect. I knew not what he said but I quickly entered because I don’t want to be late.
Well, the day wasn’t bright as I thought, I was given little corrections and much time to develop my project. But it was a nice project, one of them said. You will go far. Take your time and develop it more. Mtcheew this word kept playing in my thoughts, take your time and develop it. I spent 2 years on that project, and they are asking for much time. As I walked through the road, I noticed one huge Agboro guy looking and eyeing my bag seriously. Hmmm if you do anything funny Mr. man, we die here! I quietly said that in my heart and continued my little remorseful walk. 6 seconds later, he stood up and started approaching my side, while the rest of his colleagues watched him with rapt attention.
Huh? I immediately increased my pace for something is wrong. To my greatest surprise, he too increased his pace. Hahahahahaha we die here today, I said out this time around. I immediately hibernated to my wicked and rough mood, and within 30 seconds, I already had a plan for him.
I reduced my pace, waiting for him to do his worst. Like I guessed, he increased his pace and ran past me. Within a blink of the eyes, he stretched his hand to my shoulder and grabbed firmly my laptop bag. You must be kidding Mr. Agboro! I immediately said why squatting down almost to the ground level with respect to his movement. Just like an unequal energy, my immediate movement gave way to his falling. He stood up energetically coming towards me for a fight. With his thick Yoruba accent, he gave in to unknown words. I paid less attention to his words and with keen interest, I planned my next move.
Oh! Thank you Mr. Durmaz, thank you, Kingsley, for letting me practice my kick with your face. Whhhhhhaaaaam, I lifted my body to the air like up to 1.5 meters high but this time around, I wasn’t free like a bird, because I had gained weight. But this weight gave more strength to my kick. Gbaaaaaaazzzzzaaaa, the kick landed on his head and reformatted his medulla. He landed heavily on the ground like a lifeless corpse, facing his face 90 degrees to his neck.
Haaaaaaa! What have I done again? I thought I had killed him, but he stood up immediately. Staggering like a drunkard, he couldn’t face me. Oshodi Oshodi Oshodi! He said repeatedly. Yes, his brain was formatted for Oshodi is a place far from where we are and no bus is loading to oshodi from there. His fellow Agboro’s laughed at him. And started hailing me in Yoruba dialect. Egbon! Egbon! You be our superman oo! I smiled wickedly and left the scene.
Maybe they should produce a comic book for me “The Agboro hero” If my governor, Rochas should know about me now, he will mold me and my newly acquired comic honor. I thought to myself and recounted the story to my friend.